I hate to quote my father's cheesy sayings, but I really DO need an attitude adjustment

About 4 weeks ago, my "Positive Mental Attitude" (PMA) wiring got BLEEPED up. I had a row with one of my office mates, which is funny, really, because I've only been to my office 5 times in 3 months. How can you get in a row with someone you've only met five times? Moreover, how was I so changed by the experience that I've resurrected stupid words like "row" and insterted them into my lexicon?

Without going into detail, it was just a disagreement where the Arguee thought he was right and Katrina, aka the Arguer, knew he was wrong. It left me cranky, though, because it only enhanced other frustrations I had been feeling culturally, emotionally, and professionally until that point. One might call the great argument of 2005 a Tipping Point. Namely, it tipped me over the flippin edge and BLEEPED up my PMA.

Feeling demoralized, cranky, and undeniably depressed at having made no progress whatsoever in 3 months, I left to a technical training event for two-and-one-half weeks soon after. In the presence of Americans for 17 days, one develops intense emotional ties. One also bashes work constantly. It was a great release to be able to talk freely about challenges with work, as well as challenges with host families and the local culture. But as the days went on, I realized that my attitude was really only becoming more and more negative. It's as if a switch in my body was just turned off.

I attempted to make a pre-emptive strike against this budding bad attitude by skipping on the office a few days early before said technical training and meet my friend Frederica to take a mini-vacation that we didn't declare. Freddie was also suffering from PMA failure, and we both concluded conclusively that two bad attitudes cancel each other out. With this logic, we joined her very Belgian parents (real Belgians, though nothing like the Dr. Evil variety) and escapaded to the far north island of Bantayan in Cebu Province. When I say far north, I mean north relative to where we both are latitudinally. Regionally speaking, it is still hot, tropical, and, most notably, not either of our sites. Oh yes, and we could wear bikinis. Translation: wonderful.

While the attempt was a great celebration of air con, comfy beds, hot showers, tanning of otherwise blindingly white parts, excellent english speaking opportunity, and humor regarding the accents and overall nature of a Belgian family, it sustained Freddie and I for a mere 48 hours before the sadness and depression genes infiltrated our psyche once more as we slowly returned to reality.

It was at this point, perhaps three or four days into training (incidently, just before Freddie was afflicted with "The Plague" known locally as Denghe Fever, or Feva as some prefer) that she and I decided cheezier tactics for sanity development were required. What we came up with is an as yet unnamed list of quotes, realizations, and general attitudes to bolster positive attitudes in us both. It will soon be alphabetized and filed under the "TO BE READ ONLY WHEN MILD DEPRESSION IS INVARIABLY LURKING TOWARD DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR" file.

The list is very personal and kind of embarrassing, but I included some of it here. I'm wondering if anyone in my readership of four, or 3.27 if we are using proper statistics, has any suggestions or pearls of pearly wisdom to add? Feel free to e-mail me. You know how I enjoy it so.

The List:

* Do what you can with what you have where you are.
* (Optional: God) give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
* Whether or not you can see it now, the people who you befriend will remember you and appreciate your work for the rest of their lives.
* Your job is not to change the world. It is to change yourself so you can better serve your world.
* It is not the Filipino's fault.
* Remember why you decided to join the Peace Corps.
* Remember the first day you came into this country, the first day you met your host family, and the first day you told yourself you never wanted to leave this place. Embrace those memories and always remember why you felt that way.
* Some people see things as they are and say "Why." I dream things that never were and say
"Why not."
* It's not what happens to you, it's what you do about it. Take responsibility for change and encourage others to do the same.
* It's okay to feel sad sometimes. It's okay to have days when you feel discouraged.
* Set short-term goals and be proud of small victories.
* Don't forget to get a good laugh in every day.
* If you cannot change something, change the way you think about it.